auturgist: (Default)
[personal profile] auturgist
...because I rarely have anything worth saying that I don't think would turn you off. A lot of days, I feel no sense of permanent belonging whatsoever, and kinda just want to burn this world down. I feel like that now.

Date: 2010-05-29 03:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I feel like that, too, more often than you'd think.

sharing frustrtations internet family style :/

Date: 2010-05-29 11:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
What are your frustrations? Dont answer if I'm prying so much.

Here are mine and why I feel a lot of anger lately.

I feel that way as well. i feel like I'm being nickled and dimes in the job market. I'm angry that my life is so hard while I surrounded by people who have it easier than me when it comes to familial relations.
I hate that I miss my mother so much but she was the evil in my life for so long.
I'm angry cause I'm always to tired to get myself forward and I'm scared about the future. I'm scared I'm to picky about men and thus why I'm alone, but then I'm scared that perhaps I'm right and saving myself grief by not lowering my basic standards and being with a loser( loser meaning someone selfish and unkind whom I dont share any interests with)

I'm scared of my future and failing more in this life.

I wish I could stop worrying and being scared and angry. I hate feeling angry like this.
From: [identity profile]
I will definitely respond to this, but I want to give it a more thorough response than I can right now, so consider this a placeholder for my real response coming soonish!
From: [identity profile]
Frustrations currently include, but are not limited to:

- I'm willing to bet that I'm bipolar or suffer from some kind of depression but I have no time (translation: motivation to make the time) or money to go and see about getting some help for it.

- I make about half what I was making a couple years ago, which makes getting out of the debt that I'm in now and getting ahead of my money issues a near impossibility, even though I think I'm much more disciplined about money now than then.

- My job doesn't satisfy me in any meaningful way, and I hate that I work for a company that also nickel and dimes their employees while demanding constant outstanding performance from them. Seriously, you want me to give a fuck about this shit job? How about paying me more than -- fuck, I'm not even going to say what I make because it's embarrassing.

- As much as I'm happy for them all, I hate seeing friends and family close to my age taking these huge steps in their lives -- buying houses, having children, starting families, etc. -- while I'm stuck in the same exact place as I was nearly ten years ago. I really wonder if I will ever have some of those same things that I really want out of life. More and more, in this respect, I see my life in terms of all the potential that is being wasted irrevocably with every passing minute.

- I'm fairly convinced that I'm fundamentally incompatible with pretty much everyone when it comes to romance and intimacy, to the point that I will often delude myself into believing that I'm not even interested in having relationships anymore. But sometimes I become really lonely or horny and wish that I had someone with whom I could spend time intimately, even though I do nothing to make it happen; I don't go out, I don't try online dating, I don't engage in hobbies that would lead me to meet people (this has at least something to do with the fact that I can't afford to do anything of the sort).

- Every day I become more convinced that humanity is a parasite that is irrevocably fucking up our planet. I weep for future generations who will inherit the cesspool we're creating, except that I also know more than half of them will be fucking morons because we are systematically breeding and reinforcing stupidity. I would seriously wipe out half of the world's population if I had the power. I almost don't even care to discriminate. We are way overpopulated and fucking up everything we touch.

- For all of the above reasons, I feel almost utterly powerless, deriving that the one way in which I can exact some means of actual control over my life is deciding when and how to end it. So, I've pretty much decided that's what I'm going to do. Not quite yet, but unless something completely unexpected gets me first, I'm pretty much certain that I'm going to kill myself. I *want* to kill myself. I would rather kill myself than keep living the way that I have been recently, and I would rather kill myself than grow old, bearing witness to humanity's continued crimes against itself and the planet. Any hope that I might have had that we will ever save ourselves deserves to be dead too.

Sadly true.

Date: 2010-06-06 04:04 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Some of those things I feel like you took the thoughts right out of my head and typed. I get frustrated with these things as well, and often. I don't know if some would just say that I let it bother me too much, or if I just care more than most others. The shitty jobs seem to be the "usual" and getting under-paid and overworked is just what everyone expects. It's too bad that this is what we've come to know as what life is. The thought of a good paying, satisfying job and having lots of quality time to spend on enjoying life itself seems like a fairy tale.

And there is no doubt WAYYYY too much breeding going on. There are too many people alive right now that serve no purpose and can offer absolutely nothing to this world. Everyday I see some guy in shorts down to his ankles, a tall-tee, and crooked hat walk into the store letting the door close on his pregnant girlfriend who is holding his first kid then watch as he walks back to the car audio section and buys 600 dollars worth of equipment all just to make his car loud and obnoxious. These people are a dime a fucking dozen here. I see these things and I wonder just how far we really are from living like they did in that movie 'Idiocracy.'

Re: Sadly true.

Date: 2010-06-06 05:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Idiocracy is not fiction; it is a documentary filmed in real time, sent back through time to us as a warning.


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