auturgist: (Neridia & Valustria)
My gift to you is this funny little story that will probably only make sense to a few of you...

[04:21][G] [Valustria]: Ok, best thing ever...
[04:21][G] [Valustria]: I have this flash drive with a bunch of MP3s in the root directory because my car stereo will read them off it, but only there.
[04:22][G] [Valustria]: But I have other stuff in subfolders, like my WoW addons and WTF backups.
[04:22][G] [Valustria]: Well, when I am feeling lazy about what to listen to, I'll just pop the flash drive in my comp and let Winamp play the shit on it, since the whole point of it is to be a mix of stuff I like.
[04:23][G] [Valustria]: But I just load the entire device... so it loads soundfiles from the WoW addons that are on it too.
[04:23][G] [Valustria]: So, every now and then, between random songs, I'll get an audio clip of the Onyxia wipe guy yelling "50 DKP minus!" or "Many whelps, handle it!"
[04:24][G] [Valustria]: And it's always really funny to me.
auturgist: (Default)
The rules: List ten video games you have played that will always stick with you, and explain why.

In no particular order... )
auturgist: (Guts)
So, I started classes this fall semester, taking 8 credits to complete an AA toward which I began working nearly a decade ago. I feel very good about this, as if the stars aligned for this point in my life. Not because an AA is anything special; it's not. But it's the beginning of something else that I need to do for myself: figure out where I'm going before I'm lost completely. And because the classes I'm taking have a kind of synergy that will prove helpful to me moving forward. Or at least the first two so far do!

Monday nights I'm taking a psychology class called Learning as Journey that is all about the ways people learn, and how to recognize choices they can make to improve themselves. Tuesday evenings I'll satisfy the general requirement that is Health 101: Health and Wellness, which could have been a test to endure if not for a teacher who is passionate about the topic and the real benefits of healthy lifestyles. I think these two classes together will really help me to get my head and body into a better place moving forward in my life. I'll get out of it what I put into it, at least, right? My last class occurs Thursday evenings and is just a required elective: Philosophy 103 Critical Thinking. Should be easy enough.

Anyway, I just wanted to put it down, for both myself and some others, with some hope that it will help me to stick with this: I'm not very happy with my life as it is. I haven't been for a long time. I've been at times nearly suicidal, and apathetic regarding aspects of my life about which a healthy person cares. I've come to hate the person I am in some ways, and I'm tired of it. I'm better than that, and I want to fix myself. I'm not entirely sure how to do it, but I think I'm on the right track, however behind I am or slow the process turns out to be. And with that said, I need other people to know that I can't-- I won't be the same person through it all that you have known. I hope that anyone important to me will only offer their support, understanding that this can only be good for me in the end. How could it possibly be worse? But one never knows with absolute certainty, and I do have some fears: that I will fail, that changes I need to make will alienate certain people, etc.

In my health class we have to submit a "behavior change contract" that involves improving some aspect of our personal wellness through the modification of at least three specific behaviors. It involves keeping a log or journal of observations concerning those behaviors over time, and then setting measurable goals and rewards to modify those behaviors. I think my focus is going to be on my sleep schedule. (It's 4AM now and I need to work in the morning -- see what's wrong with this picture?) I'd like to focus on the impact my lack of exercise, late night gaming, and maybe even my diet has on this aspect of my wellness, so they will likely be my three specific behaviors. I don't think it will be too hard to start exercising often, but I do worry about how I will have to change my gaming habit because, honestly, WoW is a big part of what I am and do currently. It's pretty harrowing to admit to myself, and embarrassing to admit to others, honestly how much my social life revolves around that game, and to what degree my own self-esteem is either directly or indirectly linked to it. And the excuses that it's just a game I play or that the $15 I pay to play for two months is cheap when I'm poor don't cut it anymore. I can play WoW, but I can't continue to play it as late or often as I do now. But the thing that scares me is that it is social, and there are people I know through WoW who I'd like to keep as friends whether or not we ever play together, and I'm not entirely convinced that will be the case with all of them. And logically I know that anyone who values the game so much that we can't be friends if I'm not playing with them probably isn't a good friend in the first place, but that doesn't comfort me much when I consider that one of the consequences of my new values and behaviors could be the loss of friends when I don't feel that I have very many in the first place. Anyway, that's just one example of my fears moving forward, and I'd like to think that such will never actually occur.

Lastly, I think I might prune my friends here and on Facebook. I don't want to be distracted by all the dumb shit that an online presence imposes upon someone whose concerns need to be planted more firmly in the real world right now. But maybe that's not exactly the problem... it's easy enough to ignore shit here and on Facebook; maybe I just need to log off AIM and shut out the idea that I'm a click away from talking to anyone on my contacts at all times. I crave attention from people sometimes, and even wish that some would think to invite or involve me in things whether or not I can attend or oblige; being on AIM all the time often just reminds me that those people aren't talking to me. It's not very healthy, I think.

Anyway, it's been a long time since I made any post worth reading, because it's been a long time since I had anything to say worth saying. This is, and I'm hopeful for the first time in a long time that I'll have more to say soon. I really appreciate if you read this whole post; I imagine if you did I'll still see you on the other end. Thanks, and I look forward to doing so!
auturgist: (Default)
It's been a long time since I made a post, primarily because I've had nothing important to say, and that might still be the case but at least I feel like writing now.

Let's talk about the World Cup, even though it's been over for several weeks now. Fuck Spain and the Netherlands for the most uninspired, unsportsmanlike game that I have seen in a long time. When that game started, I was rooting for the Netherlands because they played aggressively, but as the game progressed, I saw them kicking Spain more than they kicked the ball, leading me to start rooting for Spain. But then Spain never actually did anything -- they had seemingly zero ambition to score or create opportunities for themselves, which was just plain boring. So eventually I just started hoping the referees would card everyone! Compare this to the third place game between Germany and Uruguay, in which both teams took risks to create scoring opportunities and really played to win in a way that was both entertaining and respectful of each other and the fans watching.

I think, in my age, I have more consciously realized the importance of self-expression even in team activities. It's hard for me to have any respect for the Spanish team who play this totally defensive style of football, because it's like watching a machine. I used to liken Germany to this well-oiled machine because of how solid their fundamental team game is, but the more I think about that, the less I feel that it's appropriate, because they do look for fast break counterattacks, create openings in the middle for their strikers, and fire off shots from just outside the 18-yard line. Spain does almost none of this, instead just droning around with absolute possession of the ball until there is an opportunity to score that poses very little risk of giving up that possession. Even Uruguay, who ended the tournament in 4th place, possessed as much or more passion than any team there this year, and created more breathtaking opportunities for shots on goal that were simply fantastic to watch as a spectator!

I guess the point I'm getting at is that it's not enough simply to win. Anyone can win with the right tactics and proper/flawless execution. There's no fun or glory or spectacle in pure victory, though. At least not when it comes to a game that is meant to be played beautifully. Football isn't war and the players aren't soldiers; if winning the game is more important than enjoying the game and expressing yourself creatively on the field in ways that delight and amaze people watching, you lose even if you win.

Anyway, that's all for now. I actually started this post last night, and got distracted, so I don't quite remember what else I might have written then, but maybe it'll come to me later...
auturgist: (Default)
...because I rarely have anything worth saying that I don't think would turn you off. A lot of days, I feel no sense of permanent belonging whatsoever, and kinda just want to burn this world down. I feel like that now.
auturgist: (Default)
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No. In fact, I'm daily reaffirmed that the vast majority of humanity is composed of unworthy pieces of shit who should probably die off before we fuck up everything for the rest of the planet.
auturgist: (Valustria)
Because I was bored and hadn't played around in Photoshop recently:

Don't fall for it!


This one speaks for itself.


And lastly, because I love Lady Gaga...
auturgist: (Valustria)
14:46:01 [Raid Warning][Neridia]: {Square} {Skull} {Triangle}
14:46:01 [Raid Warning][Neridia]: {Moon} {X}
14:46:12 [Neridia]: Okay, so everyone makes one of these macros for Sindragosa.
14:46:12 [Rainomi]: terrible
14:46:40 [Neridia]: BUT, this is why I am awesome. I give special thought to the order. You see, to make it super easy for the terribads.
14:46:59 [Neridia]: All the BLUE icons are on the left. So immediately, if you have a moon or square and go anywhere else, you are bad.
14:47:12 [Neridia]: Now, the skull is the middle, because DUH!
14:47:23 [Rainomi]: wow, you over think this shit :P
14:47:34 [Neridia]: But the other FRONT icons are the basic fucking shapes you have been taught since fucking kindergarten.
14:47:59 [Neridia]: So, if you got moon or X and didn't stop on the stairs, your dumb ass went too far.
14:48:04 [Rainomi]: mike, go watch day time television or something
14:48:20 [Neridia]: Also, green means go... as in "Go in front of the X, baddie!"
14:48:48 [Neridia]: See how it's all very subtle the way this scheme works!
14:48:59 [Raid Warning][Neridia]: {Square} {Skull} {Triangle}
14:48:59 [Raid Warning][Neridia]: {Moon} {X}
14:48:59 [Rainomi]: palm: meet face
auturgist: (Default)
Every single thing I do is escapism.
auturgist: (Default)
Comment on this post. I will choose seven interests from your profile and you will explain what they mean and why you are interested in them. Post this along with your answers in your own journal so that others can play along.

lickable abs
The last time I was in very good shape I used to joke that I wanted to have abs that people would want to lick. Ever since then, "lickable abs" is my term for abs that are really fit and sexy, even though I don't have them anymore.

the velvet teen
Years ago I was active on the Penny Arcade forums, and one year during the holidays I participated in their Secret Santa exchange. The gift that I received was a CD, Out of the Fierce Parade by The Velvet Teen, with a note explaining that they were the sender's favorite band, and that I should check out their other albums if I liked this one. I did, and I did. If you've never heard them, here are some links...
"Radiapathy"
"The Prize Fighter"
"Noi Boi"
"Gyzmkid" (Live)

pennywise the dancing clown
Pennywise is the form most often taken by the alien/demonic monster of Stephen King's IT. The monster primarily slays and feeds on children in the town of Derry, Maine after psychically terrorizing them with their own fears. I've always loved the idea that such a being would choose something seemingly innocent, yet freakish and misplaced, as its primary form in committing such atrocities (and surely this idea was inspired, or at least influenced, by the serial killer John Wayne Gacy, aka Pogo the Clown).

boss kill videos
Boss kill videos are made using edited footage captured by one or more people during a raid and then set to music; really, they are just one way for guilds to show off on the internet, but some are done really well. You can also learn a lot from some boss kill videos, such as positioning, special tactics, and even some ways to improve your UI. Here are a few of my favorites...
Ensidia vs. Algalon (25)
Ensidia vs. Yogg Saron (25, Part 1)
Ensidia vs. Yogg Saron (25, Part 2)
Exodus vs. Mimiron (25H)

debridement
Debridement is the removal of foreign matter and dead tissue to assist in the healing process. It can be done surgically with instruments, chemically with a variety of substances, or even organically via the use of maggots that feed upon bacteria or the dead tissue. This interests me because I'm always picking scabs, lancing blisters, etc. I'm obsessed with operating on myself. Also, "debridement" sounds like it should have some kind of sexual meaning, such as to take a woman's virginity. It doesn't, but I like that association if only for poetic reasons.

interstella 5555
Daft Punk + Leiji Matsumoto = win!

capriccio
This is an Italian noun that means "a caper, prank, whim, or caprice", but which can also refer to a musical composition in a free or irregular style. I just really love the sound of it relative to that definition. I think it's one of the most perfectly sounding words I have ever heard given what it means.
auturgist: (Default)
Comment and I'll assign you a letter; list ten people/places/things you love that begin with your letter. Afterward, post this in your journal and assign letters to those who do the same!

Rogues
Whether playing Dungeons & Dragons, World of Warcraft, or any other such game, the rogue has been my class of choice for many years. Stealth, secrecy, precision, independence, and perhaps a disdain for many rules of society; these are values I share with the rogue class.

"Rearviewmirror" by Pearl Jam
"Rearviewmirror" is my favorite Pearl Jam track, and when they play it live they always bring such an energy to it that I am compelled to rock the fuck out. Watch the video to see for yourself!

"Regret" by New Order
I can't really explain why I love this song... I know my own reasons why, but putting them into words is proving impossible for me now.

"Rosetta Stoned" by Tool
This is my favorite track on 10,000 Days, as well as one of my favorite tracks by Tool, period. It has some of the most insane rhythmic changes I have ever heard in a song and is an amazing example of what truly talented musicians can accomplish relative to so much of the shit that permeates our air waves these days.

"Running Down the Way Up" by BT
This is one of my favorite driving songs from a time when I was still young and just getting into electronic music.

Revolutionary Girl Utena
One of the prettier shoujo series I have seen that departs from typical romance themes to explore the trials of growing up, the courage necessary to remain true to oneself, and how entry into adulthood often compromises our childhood fantasies, and consequently our identities.

Rounders
The immense popularity of Texas Hold'em over the last 10+ years, one could argue, is owed to this film. It's a film you have likely seen before, but the cast is so outstanding and the dialogue so excellent that such doesn't matter -- you see this movie and you want to play poker, the way seeing Top Gun makes you want to fly fighter jets and talk shit to other naked guys in a locker room.

Rushmore
Wes Anderson's sophomore film, and his best in my opinion, is quite possibly the one that launched that whole quirky, pseudo-indie genre we've got now. It's got a cast that shines (Bill Murray won the Golden Globe for his supporting role here), with a narrative depth and subtlety to balance the clever antics of the film's young protagonist Max Fischer.

Rez
This game has a vibrator, and you shouldn't even bother playing without it.

Castlevania: Rondo of Blood
The best Castlevania game ever, in my humble and correct opinion. = P
auturgist: (Default)
Comment and I'll assign you a letter; list ten people/places/things you love that begin with your letter. Afterward, post this in your journal and assign letters to those who do the same!

Leto Atreides II
The God Emperor of Dune is possibly my favorite fictional character in all literature. No quick blurb could ever do him the justice he deserves, so go read Frank Herbert's original DUNE series if you want to know how awesome he is!

L'Arc~en~Ciel
I kinda stopped listening to them after REAL, but I adore their early stuff. Their first four albums each have some of my all-time favorite Japanese rock songs, with some really awesome tracks even on the next couple albums (after Sakura left the band).

Led Zeppelin
Fuck you if you need an explanation.

"Lemon" by U2
This song is probably my favorite by U2, and it is musically unlike anything else they have done.

"Let's Stay Together" by Al Green
There's not a lot I can say to someone unfamiliar with this song. I don't even know why I'm typing right now; this should need no explanation.

"Little Lies" by Fleetwood Mac
I think most people associate Stevie Nicks with Fleetwood Mac's most popular songs (probably rightfully so), but this one is written and sung by Christine McVie, and has always been one of my absolute favorites.

"Love Song" by m-flo <3 Bonnie Pink
This song is simply catchy as hell, and I never grow tired of listening to it! And Bonnie Pink looks so fuckin' cute in the video! <3

"Lullaby" by The Cure
Beautiful. Haunting. Predatory. All these words describe what is easily my favorite song by The Cure.

Léon: The Professional
This is one of the few hitman films that isn't trite as hell. It features an excellent cast that includes Jean Reno and Gary Oldman, as well as Natalie Portman in her film debut. As an action film it is one of the paragons of our time, with provocative themes and audacious direction by Luc Besson.

Lorena B from Met-Art <--- NSFW!
Loreen A from Met-Art <--- NSFW!
These two girls are sex goddesses. Not much more to say than that...
auturgist: (Default)
And I guess I need to eat on my birthday too, so maybe we can get some people together and grab something before going out to see a movie or some titties. Comment if you are down.
auturgist: (Default)
We got sushi, and I saw this piece staring up at me, reminding me of The Joker:

auturgist: (Default)
It's a new year, and for many that brings a sense of obligation in redefining goals and perhaps even identity. (Although I much prefer Ollie's sentiment that anything worth doing is worth doing now.) I guess the same thing happens with me to some degree. I'm not happy with where I am in life. I'm pretty directionless, and that puts me at the mercy of other people and foreign elements in many regards. So this year will hopefully be about finding out what I want to do with myself, because I'm going to be 30 in less than a month and if I can't figure out what I want to do in this world before turning 31, there's a good chance I'll just shoot myself.

Also, I'm really having a hard time with something. I'd say that it's being antisocial, except that in many cases, I'm not actively avoiding being social as much as simply failing or being awkward at it. I don't quite understand why it is that I always feel at odds with the status quo, but I am and this plagues me. I often despise the social dynamics of groups at large and have a hard time fitting in or getting along with people that way. I do much better dealing personally with individuals, I think. In fact, Ted has said that we occupy opposite ends of this spectrum: he is much more likely to say something that will hurt or offend someone personally, but gets along well in social settings, where I am way more sensitive towards individuals but inclined to fuck up a social dynamic. I agree, and think maybe realization of this fact is a contributing factor to those times when I opt out of social activities. I hate being that guy who is an odd wheel among couples, or whose fucked up circadian rhythms means he's falling asleep at parties or whatever... I've been that guy too many times already.

Anyway, I'm thinking about maybe going back to school. Not sure what I want to study, I still think that's a setting that could benefit me. So, a list of things I would like to study is probably a good place to start. I'm going to work on that, and hope that something on that list has some practical potential.
auturgist: (Valustria)
...are like waking up on Christmas morning only to find Santa left you an e-mail saying, "Sorry, the sled is broke; you can have your gifts tomorrow, assuming it's fixed by then."
auturgist: (Default)
1) I had a dream that I was helping to support Dianna Agron in her pregnancy with a baby that was not mine. Not her character Quinn, mind you... in my dream it was the actress herself. It was kinda hot too, because at one point we had pregger sex, but then we just kinda cuddled in bed and I told her that I loved her and the baby while caressing her head and shoulders.

2) I have the best desktop wallpaper ever. Want proof?

Okay, here you go! )
auturgist: (Default)
So, this Dell Pocket DJ I have (I'll never forgive you for putting me onto this piece of shit, Hawk) is fucked and useless to me, and I really want a good portable MP3 player for when I open or close at work, and possibly to get my ass motivated to go running or something. These are the features I'm looking for, not necessarily in order of importance:

- sleek design that clips or fits into small pockets easily
- clean, intuitive interface that I can navigate with my fat thumbs
- quick and easy connectivity to my PC (ideally, I can just drag files/folders from my hard drive onto the player as with any USB portable memory device)

Thoughts, suggestions?
auturgist: (Takeru)
It's extremely difficult for me to get into Macross Frontier. There's some stuff about it that just doesn't click for me. I hate the character designs, and the music, which should be an integral part of any Macross, is... well, it's Yoko Kanno. While it seems to me that most anime fans think she can do no wrong, I feel like her stuff is often hit-or-miss, and the music for Macross Frontier falls somewhere right in the middle for me. I've listened to the vocal collections and only three or four songs impress me at all, one of them being a cover of "Ai Oboete Imasuka" from Do You Remember Love? Anyway, I'm not necessarily done with it, but jeez, it's really tough to force myself to watch it.

On the other hand I have a pretty easy time watching this new shoujo series from Production I.G. called Kimi ni Todoke. It's basically about this girl who was given the nickname "Sadako" because she looks like the girl from the horror movie Ringu, and how she starts to make friends because this popular guy in school treats her normally even though everyone else thinks she's creepy. It comes standard with romance and other typical shoujo subplots, but the art is gorgeous and fairly refreshing. Time will tell if it can rise to the level of Hana Yori Dango, His & Her Circumstances, or Nodame Cantabile...

I really need to finish RIDEBACK as well. I kinda floundered at the fifth episode or so a while ago and it's not like there's very much more...
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